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10. One week before the trip, have a yard of sand delivered to your home. Sprinkle liberally in your bed, dresser drawers, and on kitchen and bathroom counters. Fill your salt shaker, sugar bowl, and cereal boxes with sand and use the same as normal. Put out garbage can lids full of sand in front of fans and run them continuously at maximum speed.
9. After renting a projection TV, illuminate the walls and ceiling of your bedroom with old Dracula movies, especially the snake, spider, lizard, and bat-infested scenes.
8. Have your friends over for a long fire line and then systematically pass the entire contents of your home out through the front door and into the back door of your house.
7. With an industrial size brush and bottle of bleach: wash, rinse and sterilize the hubcaps of your car 30 minutes after sunrise and immediately after sunset every day for 6 days.
6. Get a meat tenderizer and practice beating beer cans down to the diameter of a hockey puck.
5. Sit on the hood of your car and go through the car wash - best to do this after your car has been sitting out in the hot sun all day.
4. Line your sandals with sandpaper and spend two hours per day on a stair master.
3. Drape the clothes from your dresser and closet on the bushes, rocks and trees in your backyard. Twice a day, with the use of a sheet, practice changing your clothes while your neighbors watch.
2. With 27 friends standing in the shallow end of your swimming pool, practice looking nonchalant as you carry on a conversation and pee simultaneously.
1. Take a dump in your upstairs waste paper basket, then with your pants still around your ankles, run downstairs and pee in the bathtub.
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